The Ugly Volvo

Author: Raquel D’Apice

  • Easy Ways to Adultproof Your Home

    So I have a baby who’ll be mobile in a few months/weeks/minutes and my coffee table is constructed out of jagged splinters that are held together by rusted nails and broken pieces of metal.  Here is a close-up picture of what it looks like: So obviously this cannot be anywhere near a baby who is…

  • A Baby Book of Disasters

    So I have this baby book for my son that I use to record his milestones, and it is boring.  It is so, so boring.  Half the time I don’t even remember to write things down when they happen because I am so wholly uninterested in recording things for this stupid book.  “Today he rolled…

  • How to Have a Kid in 10 Easy Steps!

    Have you been considering having a kid?  Not sure where to get started?  This post is for you!  Don’t get bogged down in the needless complications of 21st century parenthood– having a kid is so easy, 80% of the population of earth has figured it out!   I’m not saying we’re all doing it well, but…

  • The Second Child’s Baby Book

    Baby books are a wonderful invention that allow you to record every beautiful, breathtaking detail of your first child’s infancy while then completely forgetting anything that happened to all subsequent children.  I am the oldest in my family and my baby book is a carefully kept record of days I smiled and afternoons spent vomiting…

  • Oh, he looks “JUST LIKE YOU”

    When the baby was only a month or so old everyone kept saying, “Oh wow, he looks like your husband.  He looks so much like your husband!”  And now he is six months old and at a family gathering the other day I had at least 10 people say that he looked exactly like me.…

  • A Breakdown of My Day for Tuesday, September 3, 2013

    I’ve created a pie chart to illustrate how I spent my day yesterday. If you’re wondering where to buy the high-tech software used to create this diagram, I created it on “Pen & Paper 7.1” drawing an outline around my teakettle to make the circle and using a copy of “Writer’s Market 2011” to create…

  • Looking for Sitter

    Looking for a sitter and I hate to be THAT TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS PARENT, but I’m really, really picky about what I’m looking for.   Our list of requirements is below.  We’ve had some lousy experiences in the past, so if you do not meet the requirements PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THE AD.…

  • Roommate(s) wanted to share cramped 2 Bedroom 1 Bathroom (Must pay for own utilities/wifi)

    If you would respond to this Craigslist ad, you are totally ready to have a baby. Roommate(s) wanted to share cramped 2 Bedroom 1 Bathroom (Must pay for own utilities/wifi) Hi!  I’m a young, high maintenance girl/guy looking for a roommate or roommates to share a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment in Jersey City.  Apartment…

  • How To: Traveling With A Baby

    So you’re thinking of taking a trip somewhere?  So you have a baby?  NOT A PROBLEM.  As someone who has recently taken a 3 week trip with a 4 month old baby, I have tons of really helpful tips and advice on how to make your travels with baby run smoothly.   You’re welcome in advance!…

  • We’re so totally on top of this “baby” thing.

    Jon: (Washing a dish) This is a weird-shaped brush. Did we get rid of the other dish brush? Me: That’s the bottle brush. Jon: The what? Me: The bottle brush. To clean out the inside of the baby bottles. Jon: That’s a great idea! Did you just get it? Me: No, it’s been there for…