The Ugly Volvo

Author: Raquel D’Apice

  • On Being Pregnant

    I told someone today that I was pregnant and the person said, “Congratulations!” and I politely nodded and continued eating.  And they said, “That’s so exciting.  Are you excited?” and I said, “Yes, sort of,” the way you might respond if someone congratulated you on landing a brand new job that was much more stressful…

  • Elevator Buttons That Should Be Really Low Down Where Kids Can Reach Them

    I was recently in an elevator with my three-year-old son and I became worried that, being only three years of age, he wouldn’t be able (if needed) to reach either the elevator button summoning the fire department or the one that sets off the ear-splitting alarm bell.  LUCKILY, thanks to someone with a keen instinct…

  • 10 Unique Baby Names So Adorable You’ll Want to Have Another Kid Just to Use One

    Of all the many things you’ll give your child over his or her lifetime, the first is one of the most lasting– their name.  So many parents spend hours trying to find a perfect, unique name, only to find that by the time their child is a toddler, the once-perfect name has become ubiquitous.  If you’re…

  • Things You SWORE You’d Never Do If You Became a Parent (BUT THAT YOU’RE TOTALLY GOING TO DO)

    So regardless of whether you have or even want kids, you have vague ideas about what you’d be like as a parent.  We ALL had ideas about what we’d be like as parents and most of those ideas were about how we’d be a thousand times better than the idiots we saw walking around being…

  • Must Read Books for (Some) Parents!!!

    I have never been totally certain what I wanted to do with myself except that I obviously wanted to read.  When I was young and people would ask me to describe my “dream house” I remember enthusiastically listing all the things I would want if I had a house someday—a window seat and a fireplace. …

  • (What Actually Happened) On The Night You Were Born

    My son has this beautiful book called “On the Night You Were Born.”  The illustrations are surreal but simple images of animals and plants and the night sky.  The rhymes are sweet.  The entire book is to tell the child how much they are loved and cared about and how on the night they were…

  • What to do if it Turns Out Your Child is Actually a Surreal James Franco Performance Piece

    So your young child does something totally and completely out of character– says something he would never say, or does something she knows full well she is not supposed to do.  Of course, your first thought is to go: “Please let me hide under a blanket for eternity so I do not have to take…

  • Games to Play With Your Child in Which You Barely Have to Move or Talk

    I see a lot of ideas online for things to do with your child, but most of them are a lot of work.  Many of them involve an unnerving amount of craftiness and/or require going out to buy things.  Almost all of them involve moving around which, many days, is fine, but some days can be pretty…

  • A Two Year (And Ten-Month-Old’s) Letter to Santa

    Dear Santa, I posted my Christmas list a few years ago and by “a few” I mean “two years ago” because that’s more or less the entirety of how long I have been alive. Things have changed.  I remember being so positive that all I wanted was a set of cold, metallic car keys to put…

  • Black Friday Picks From The Dr. Seuss Online Holiday Catalog

    Congratulations!  Today is your day!  You’re off to great websites!  You’re off and away! You’ve got brains in your head.  You’ve got eyes in your face. You’ll decide what you want and what orders to place!  You’re on your own and the limit’s the sky!  And YOU are the one who’ll decide what you’ll buy. Would you?  Could…