I’m not super pro-tattoo or anti-tattoo. ย I’ve debated getting one in the past but never that seriously. ย But my mother is vehemently anti-tattoo. ย Listed belowย are the reasons my mother has always given me for why I shouldn’t get a tattoo.
And I understand that she’s from a different generation. ย And I love my mother veryย much. ย She’s a really wonderful personย and I’m not saying none of them is a legitimate reason, but I’m saying that after having a child,ย I find it really hard to take any of them seriously.
And so in case you were headed out to the tattoo parlor as we speak, here are:
10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER GET A TATTOO ACCORDING TO MY MOTHER (but having a baby is fine)
1. ย “A Tattoo is Forever”
Yes, a tattoo is forever. ย Totally forever! ย Except thatย a tattoo can, if needed,ย be erased with a laser.
No comments on how there are some days when youย want to temporarily erase your three-year-old with a laser.
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2. “People are going to judge you all the time.”
They absolutely will. ย You’re a terrible mother! ย Whyย are you doing whatever you’re doing? ย Why AREN’T you doing this thing you’re NOT doing? ย People will judge you so harshly for every child-related decision, they won’t even noticeย that you have the Chinese character for “Serenity” inked on your forearm.
This isย not the Chinese character for Serenity.
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3. “Having one will limit the type of jobs you can get.”
It will! ย Like jobs where you need time off to take care of your kids when they get sick! ย Or jobs where they’re only hiring guys because they feel like hiring women is a liability!
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4. “A tattoo will ruin your body.”
It totally will, right? ย Also what will sort of ruin itย is carrying another human inside your body for the better part of a year and then pushing it out an opening ten centimeters wide and then attempting to breastfeed it. ย Followed by the stress of trying to raise it to adulthood.ย Let me know if doing all that ruins your body any more or less than the butterfly on the small of your back.
Oh no, a drawing of a butterfly: My body is RUINED.
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5. “It’s going to be more expensive than you realize.”
It is SO expensive. ย There are tons of basic costs at the beginning but I can’t even explain how much it’s going to cost to put this tattoo through college.
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6. “You don’t know if it’s going to be clean or safe. ย Also, you know it’s going to hurt, right?”
Luckily, having a kid can easily be summed up by the words “clean” and “safe.” ย Also, “painless.”
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7. “I know you think you want one, but you probably haven’t thought this through all the way.”
No, I hadn’t.
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8. “You’re excited about it rightย now, but how are you going to feel about it in 15 years?”
You’re right, I’m totally going to want to strangle it in fifteen years.
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9. “Is it that you really want one? ย Because maybe you want one because it seems like everyone else has one.”
Judging from myย Facebook newsfeed, yes, everyone does have one. ย Maybe part of why I wanted one was actually wanting one, and part of why I wanted one was peer pressure.
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10. “You think you’re going to seem so cool walking around with one, but really most of the time you’re going to look sort of ridiculous.”ย
Sorry, I couldn’t hear that last one. ย I was screaming the phrase, “DON’T EAT THOSE BUGS,” while pulling pieces of sweet potato and banana out of my hair and coat pockets.
Pleaseย help.
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If you enjoyed this piece, follow the blog by signing up in the sidebar. ย Or you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter.
If you want to readย other blogs of mine, here is oneย I wrote on What I Do All Day When I Am Home With The Baby.ย ย
If you’re my mom and the whole time while reading this you kept thinking, “Yes, sweetie, but it’sย DIFFERENT,” don’t worry, I am aware thatย getting a tattoo and having a baby are different. ย Also, let me know ifย you and dad canย babysit the “tattoo”ย sometime soon. ย Also, I love you!
If you like to buy or read books, I have an essay in this one that just came out a week or so ago. ย I feel like it was a pretty good essay. ย If you feel like buying it, there’s a picture of the cover right under this text that is also a link to buy the book. ย Go nuts.
For anyone who’s like, “I totally want to buy this book but I don’t want to support theย adorable local bookstore to which you linked. ย Give me the link so I can buy it off Amazon,” here is a link so you can buy it off Amazon.
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