The Ugly Volvo

Category: Uncategorized

  • How to Have a Kid in 10 Easy Steps!

    Have you been considering having a kid?  Not sure where to get started?  This post is for you!  Don’t get bogged down in the needless complications of 21st century parenthood– having a kid is so easy, 80% of the population of earth has figured it out!   I’m not saying we’re all doing it well, but…

  • The Second Child’s Baby Book

    Baby books are a wonderful invention that allow you to record every beautiful, breathtaking detail of your first child’s infancy while then completely forgetting anything that happened to all subsequent children.  I am the oldest in my family and my baby book is a carefully kept record of days I smiled and afternoons spent vomiting…

  • A Breakdown of My Day for Tuesday, September 3, 2013

    I’ve created a pie chart to illustrate how I spent my day yesterday. If you’re wondering where to buy the high-tech software used to create this diagram, I created it on “Pen & Paper 7.1” drawing an outline around my teakettle to make the circle and using a copy of “Writer’s Market 2011” to create…

  • Looking for Sitter

    Looking for a sitter and I hate to be THAT TOTAL PAIN IN THE ASS PARENT, but I’m really, really picky about what I’m looking for.   Our list of requirements is below.  We’ve had some lousy experiences in the past, so if you do not meet the requirements PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO THE AD.…

  • Roommate(s) wanted to share cramped 2 Bedroom 1 Bathroom (Must pay for own utilities/wifi)

    If you would respond to this Craigslist ad, you are totally ready to have a baby. Roommate(s) wanted to share cramped 2 Bedroom 1 Bathroom (Must pay for own utilities/wifi) Hi!  I’m a young, high maintenance girl/guy looking for a roommate or roommates to share a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment in Jersey City.  Apartment…

  • How To: Traveling With A Baby

    So you’re thinking of taking a trip somewhere?  So you have a baby?  NOT A PROBLEM.  As someone who has recently taken a 3 week trip with a 4 month old baby, I have tons of really helpful tips and advice on how to make your travels with baby run smoothly.   You’re welcome in advance!…

  • We’re so totally on top of this “baby” thing.

    Jon: (Washing a dish) This is a weird-shaped brush. Did we get rid of the other dish brush? Me: That’s the bottle brush. Jon: The what? Me: The bottle brush. To clean out the inside of the baby bottles. Jon: That’s a great idea! Did you just get it? Me: No, it’s been there for…

  • Yes, Women With Strollers Are Trying to Kill You.

    Most of us who live in urban areas have experienced this at one point or another.  You’re walking down the sidewalk and a woman pushing a stroller the size of a military aircraft is hurtling toward you at breakneck speed, unable to see you because her eyes are glued to her smartphone.  And as you…

  • Reasons my 33 Year-Old is Crying

    There’s a lot of terrible stuff that comes with having a kid but one thing I hadn’t anticipated was the crying.  Not the kid’s crying.  That’s also terrible, but everyone hates that.  I’m not even talking about that.  I’m talking about my crying. I’ve never been a particularly weepy person.   As a child I don’t…

  • Unwanted Parental Judgement Mad Libs!

      We’ve all found ourselves on the wrong end of a discussion about babies.  Someone telling us we’re raising ours wrong.  Someone telling us we should have one when we don’t want one.  Sometimes these people are total strangers and sometimes they’re our mother.  Regardless, no one should be losing sleep over the advice of…