Dear Santa,
I am a ten-month-old baby and I write because my mother has been sending out my “Christmas List” to people, and her list does not in any way represent the things I really want. I could give two s#*ts about receiving stacking cups.
And I know you’re ready to make the joke about ten month-old babies and how all we want is the wrapping paper and the boxes. Touché, Santa. Touché. We do, of course, want those things. But I have a number of additional things I want very badly.
My list is enclosed below. Have a lovely holiday.
-Ten Month-Old Baby
* * *
A Comprehensive List of The Things I Want For Christmas:
* * *
1.) This Laptop Cord
I want this laptop cord more than I have ever wanted anything. Please. I also want the power strip with the orange on/off button and the white label on the other cord pictured (the one not connected to the laptop). I would be ok with just a bunch of electrical cords in general, but I would really love these specific ones that are located behind my mother’s desk next to the air-conditioner (whose cord I also want).
* * *
2.) This Wall Mount Entertainment Center
I have no idea why my mother does not want me to play with this thing, as it is obviously a child’s toy. I would like one for my room.
* * *
3.) House Keys
I would love a set of house keys. To eat, obviously. Only metal house keys will do. Please do not buy me plastic ones. I am not an idiot. I know that plastic house keys are not real keys.
* * *
4.) Everybody’s Eyeglasses
I pull these off the face of every person I meet, only to have them pried from my fingers and reclaimed by their original owners. I would love a pair of my own. Again, these are going to be for eating.
* * *
5.) The Contents of This Thing
I would love for the contents of this thing to be emptied out onto the floor– particularly things like used, wet cotton balls and discarded pieces of floss. If you would like to just take the contents of this bin and transfer it directly into my stocking, that would also be fine.
* * *
6.) Handfuls of the Dog’s Fur
This stuff is the best. I keep trying to pull it off but she moves frequently, making collection difficult. My favorite thing to do with it is put it in my mouth and then immediately realize that I didn’t want it in my mouth.
* * *
7.) The Hole in the Hallway Floorboard
Such a strange existential dilemma. I spend hours looking at this hole and poking at it with my fingers. I know that I cannot “have” a hole, as a hole is not a thing that can be had. A hole is an absence. And yet this is supposed to be a list of the things I want, and I want this hole in the hardwood floor the way Gandhi wanted peace. The way the dog wants to lick my face. The way my mother wants me to stop pulling off her eyeglasses.
* * *
8.) This Stuff, Which is All Over the Apartment
I have no idea what this stuff is. All I know is that I want it in my hands and no sooner have I grasped its sweet, delicate softness than my mother comes running over yelling something like, “STOP TOUCHING THAT– HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO F*#%ING VACUUM THE G*#@&MN HALLWAY?”
* * *
9.) The Dog’s Food
Every time I get close to this, someone pulls me away. If they don’t want me to eat it, why is it on the floor?
* * *
10.) One of These
No idea what these do, but it’s clearly a lot of fun, given that my mother never stops looking at it.
* * *
11.) Bobby Pins
These are my favorite! If I had a nickel for every bobby pin I found on the floor I’d have double the number of little metal things I could put in my mouth because, go figure, I also totally love nickels.
* * *
If you enjoyed this post, and need to buy a holiday gift for a new or expecting parent, I have a book out called Welcome to the Club: 100 Parenting Milestones You Never Saw Coming, that you can purchase through Target, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Indiebound. It’s “really funny” according to both someone in my mom’s office and the daughter of this person my friend knows.
Comments
894 responses to “A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa”
Thanks for sharing! When I got to the end, I realized I’d read the whole post to myself in the voice of Stewie from Family Guy. Hilarious!! Thanks for starting my afternoon off right 🙂
hahaha I read the entire post and then your comment and reread it again ! even more funny the second time around !
Haha glad I could help 🙂
Amazing 🙂
<3 Family guy
These are perfect! I might add the dog’s tail and ears. No sooner do you get a handful of those soft, silky, delicious, elusive items, but some pesky parent is uncurling your finger and admonishing you, and leading you away from the dog. Really?! Then why are those ears and tail right at mouth-and-hand height??
Ahhh. This is my life. Thank you for putting it so eloquently!!
So dead on. Literally laughed so hard I cried.
ahahahaha great list!
This cracked me up, and I’m pretty sure my 6.5 month old is saying $#%@ yeah! to all these things!
This is making me laugh madly. I don’t even have a crawler yet and I can totally see all of these things being absolutely true. (Including me making that emphatic statement about the vacuum.)
This is awesome! My 10-month old wants all these things too! You nailed it.
100% completely accurate. Well done!
Oh my god, this was the best. Really brings me back to the time when my boys wrote the same Christmas list (eons ago, I mean, 2 years is eons, right?). Never fear, though, mama: one day your child will ask for weird things like Chrimson Typhoon and Gypsy Danger and the breakdown train (I have no idea what these are…)
I can’t remember how I started reading this blog (I don’t think I know you — do you know me?) — but I love it. Always such a great read! I’m sharing this with others…
Sent from my iPad
Omg amazingly true and adorable!!!!! Similar list at 13 months……..
So true and cute! Similar list at 13 months………
you have to add a warning to this. pee first. new moms can’t hold it!
SOOO funny! I remember my children doing all of these things!
Thank you for the best laugh I have had in a long time!
Great list!!
This is the only post of yours
that I have ever read. I love you. Thank you.
I don’t have a 10-month old but this made me laugh out loud about a million times, so THANK YOU! I needed it
SHARED – Omg, this is hilarious. Although you did forget to put the computer charger on there. It’s okay, I’ll drop it in your baby’s stocking.
I am literally CRYING because this is so true and funny. Thank you so much for making my night!!!!
I have 10 month old twins and this is SPOT ON. Except they want cat hair and not dog hair. 🙂
OMG this is hilarious! So, so true!
I’d swear someone was stalking me reading this. It’s a relief and a great laugh all at once!!
Trying to laugh quietly, so I don’t wake my almost-11-months-old up, but it’s hard X’D
this is too funny! great post!
Bahahahaaaaa!! So hilarious! My 12 month olds want the same things!!
Seriously, who taught my son to write already!
Oh my word, this is hilarious! Great list!
Dear Ten-Month-Old Baby,
As much as I’d really like to provide all these great gift ideas, I’m pretty sure my liability insurance doesn’t cover any of them until you’re twenty-one years old. Maybe not even then. So I’m bringing you the stacking cup set and some rain checks that you can use in about twenty years. Sorry about that.
All the best,
Santa Claus
LMAO!
hehehe this made me chuckle. Nice follow up.
I have a 11 month old and wow I laughed so much!! I can picture him saying all of that! Too funny!
This is an absolutely amazing round up of what my 10-month old dreams of for Christmas as well. Brilliant!
My son would add “a piece of my sisters hair” instead of the dogs lol
Oh and my laptop because I can never work without him helping!
Aside from the dog stuff, I’m pretty sure this was my son’s exact wish list last year for Christmas, and he was only 3 months old then!
yes- we found a cover that encloses the entire power strip.. you may want one before toddler-hood comes.. lol. And nothing is grosser than dog food. I mean, have you smelled a dogs mouth? My toddler loves it by the handful. She chipmunks it so I can’t finger sweep easily. she has a lot of teeth, so this is getting painful..
I have a 9 month old right now…and I am pretty sure her list is nearly identical. Especially #8. What the heck even is that junk?! Oh and also throw in all of the junk mail, wrappers, and plastic bags in the house. That’ll do it.
Oh my goodness….my 9 month old would be BFF’s with your 10 month old. I laughed so hard. Especially about #8 – what even is that stuff and how is it everywhere all the time?!?
Hilarious!
Lol that was totally my son at 8 -13 months! Now he is 2 1/2 and we will have another crazy kiddo soon to revisit these classic baby phases with.
My ten month olds would have added another thing to the list:
Nursing whenever I want it. And a snack. And nursing while having a snack, because who doesn’t want a nice beverage when they’re having animal crackers? They’re kind of dry and really need a bit of liquid to soften them. I would prefer to experience this culinary delight without my mother shrieking in pain because I chewed while drinking some milk and hitting her breast with a toy car.
Love Santas Reply , Great list I’m Sure our Baxter can add some extra goodies 🙂
[…] A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa […]
You forgot the remote control. Love this!
Gold!! My 10 monther LOVES all those things (and remotes as well). Cheers for the good giggle 🙂
laughed like the whole time this is so true haha loved the hole the best
[…] So true! from Facebook http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ via […]
Reblogged this on Finkelstein & sons and commented:
Soms heb je van die blogs waarvan je wilde dat jij die had geschreven. Of die zo uit je leven gegrepen zijn. Vervang item 6 van de lijst met ‘Plastic Keukengerei’ en 9 met ‘Papier uit de papierbak’ en je hebt de favo-lijst van Mini (nu 16 maanden).
DS wants mummy’s hair (as we have no hairy pets), but apart from that, have you stolen my child?
I have a 3-year old and a 6-month old and it is exactly what they would say!!!!!
I have a little one who just turned 10 months, and I can’t even put into words how spot on this is! Hundreds of dollars worth of all the baby toys everyone says babies “just have to have!” And all she wants is the power strip and dog food! Thanks for the good laugh this morning!! 🙂
The laptop cord is bang on!!!
My daughter will be 10 months two days after Christmas and this list is 100% accurate. Her two favorites are definitely the first one (especially those dang tags) and the wall mounted entertainment system. She would add to this list batteries (she immediately tried to swallow one that fell out of the remote last week), to be allowed to fling herself from dangerous heights, and to be allowed to eat all things paper including her chewing blocks (we call them books) and the stuff that comes out of the wall mount entertainment system. What does mommy want for Christmas? You know those plastic balls hamsters run around in?—yeah one of those for babies! Thanks for the giggle! 🙂
Reblogged this on My Hopebox and commented:
So Very Very True!
Hilarious, I so identify with this! – As does my 10 month old and my two previous 10 month olds before him!
This is too cute! Thanks
This is pure genius and had me spitting porridge over my monitor!
I have a 19 month old daughter, she totally approves of this list. She would like to add that big sisters hair supplies are also fun to chew and empty onto the floor 😛
So very true! The only other thing missing was the tissue box!
Ha ha that was GREAT!! SO dead on for my 10 month old!!!!
Nailed it. This is exactly my 13 month old’s list. Though he would probably replace the hole with our elusive cat. That little sucker stays in sight only until he’s been spotted by my kid then whoosh he’s gone again. Which is unfortunate because he’s got primo fur to pull.
This is pretty accurate, even at 23 months! Sigh…
This is entirely true! My 15 month old would love all these things.
With two 9 & 1/2 month olds in our home, I can identify with this. It is right on the money. Love It!!
This is *hilarious*! My favourite line was, ‘My favorite thing to do with it is put it in my mouth and then immediately realize that I didn’t want it in my mouth.’ I laughed out loud!
My youngest has just turned 1 and I totally, totally get this post. Although if she had a choice, she would also appreciate a banana skin, ideally slightly blackened.
My almost 10 month old absolutely LOVES my laptop cord!!
Great list by the way! So true on so many levels!
Totally hilarious. My 10 month old’s list would be almost exactly the same.
Nice! I have an 11 month old, so this was rich humor for me.
This is so funny! I would add the tv remote.
I have an eighteen month old and his list is pretty much the same but throw in some trucks and a geeeeeetar, lol.
Oh fabulous. This REALLY made me laugh… thank you x
As the mother of a ten month old, I can SO relate to this. Hilarious. 🙂
Absolutely hilarious.
I almost woke up my 8 month old with my laughter at this…and she’s in another room.
I would add one more thing to this list…the tiny delicious morsels of food dropped under the dining table by big sister the night previously and missed in the quick clean up after dinner. 8mth old will refuse breakfast but delight in feasting on these dried out bits of half-squashed food only 5 minutes later, once freed from the confines of her high-chair.
We just need to add “Mommy’s Face” to that… She’s been trying to peel it off lately. 🙂
Hilarious! Can’t forget about the TV remotes. Our one year old takes great joy in watching it make stuff move around on the big talking rectangle.
My youngest is 2 now and I miss the 10 month age already. This is hilarious, and I don’t say that often. Lol.
Hahaha! The hole! Yes, I remember now! My son would gravitate to the forbidden hole in our floor…lol. It is the “belly button” of our house, always trapping crumbs, lint, pet hair, etc. Great list!
My God. This is brilliant. Thank you.
at 70, i’m tickled to remember over half this list being my own … back when! the cords were way more appealing then… criss-crossed patterned covering on them. yeah!
Reblogged this on Didi Von Tini and commented:
This is Ellies wish list
Was laughing to much hahaha all is so true 🙂
These are great – and still ring true for my almost 3.5yo and 20mo. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
Said 10 month-olds sounds like a cat. Santa could just copy the contents of the cats’ list for babies 🙂
Dear Connor as I already told you, I could help you out with the glasses. I have two pairs I no longer wear. What color frames do you prefer…I have a pair that is sort of neutral and a pair that is bronze. And no, before you even ask, you
cannot have the pair I am wearing with the red frame. Let me know, LOVE
You have obviously been observing my 10-month-old daughter’s life. 🙂
AH-mazingly accurate — and gut-bustingly funny! 🙂
I have an Ugly Volvo too.
I love this list! Only, your 10month old doesn’t want dead bugs? Oops, perhaps you are better at vacuuming than I was back then 😉
Reblogged this on The Undiscovered Author and commented:
V.R. falls pretty close to this category of infanthood… and hey, the things this other baby wants are pretty much mostly exactly the same things V.R. wants… Thanks to the Ugly Volvo for posting this…
My previous 10-month-old is now exactly 17-months-old, and her list is only slightly upgraded. May or may not include Q-tips from her bathroom drawer (or trash, as noted), a drink of water from her bath using one of her stacking cups, any book with paper pages (for eating), and any item of dirty clothing.
I just found your blog today and have been reading previous posts…thanks for keeping it real!
I’m at an airport surrounded by strangers literally laughing out loud at this. Awesome job.
Ha, this is awesome! Ah, the lure of the lighted power buttons on the power strips. My kids have both turned off my husband’s Mac numerous times in the middle of work because of that damn lighted power button.
And I had to pipe in because did you know that they actually make toy keys that are metal? Target has them: http://www.target.com/p/b-fun-keys-plum/-/A-14533266#prodSlot=medium_1_8&term=b.
Though really, no matter how realistic, if you give it to them to play with, they can sense that it’s not real. My daughter plays with our old iPod nano (it’s her “phone”), yet she still can sense that it’s not the real deal.
Oh, this is my one year old perfectly – and how did you know that’s what I say about vacuuming?! I’ll add: also wants the padding around our heart. SERIOUSLY.
That is the exact same list as my 17 month old!
just fantastic. My 15 month old is still putting stuff in her mouth. She’s getting the hang of “not in your mouth!” and pulling whatever it is out. She’s also getting hang of running when i see her with something she’s not meant to have. “hey, ta mummy!”. Her expression “oh S&*T!! RUN!!” and she runs and squeals, i chase her, take what it is and the tantrum ensues!
brilliant. My 17 month old desires all of these things, the only addition would be his own personal set of stairs.
OMG this is SO freaking funny and true! My 14 month old has a list very similar to this one… we don’t have a dog but she has a small pile of toys piled up in the corner that she does not play with…they are collecting dust. Kitchen cabinets and the bag of recycling in the kitchen are far more exciting. Thanks for posting I needed a good laugh!!!
so funny and so true! thanks for the laughs 🙂
[…] A Ten-Month-Old's Letter To Santa. […]
Hilarious and all too true! Love it!
You forgot the TV remote. My 8 month old will throw him self off the side of the bed trying to reach the remote on the nightstand!
[…] Check out the page HERE […]
What kind of dog is that? We have one that looks very similar, but was a rescue and we have no idea what he is! He does not shed and it silver like your pup and about 85 pounds.
she’s also a rescue and we also have no idea! She doesn’t shed, but she’s only about 30 lbs so probably not related 😉
This is darling, and dead accurate… but as a 65-year-old mother of one adult, I have to ask: do mothers today REALLY send out a list of “Here. stuff you can buy my child”?
That’s pretty damn bold, but what do I know?
I don’t think they do 🙂 I specifically asked my mother and mother-in-law not to buy the baby anything too huge because we live in a small apartment and there’s no room!– and so in response they asked if there was anything particular I thought would be good for him.
And, don’t forget a jar of Vaseline! When my son was about 2 and a half, he found is aunt’s jar of Vaseline, a foot soaking bucket, and proceeded to take a bath in the stuff with his clothes on. Had to throw the clothes away. Never could get the Vaseline out of them. And, washing his hair was a lot of fun too!
Brilliant!
I feel like they missed a chance to make a statement about what any 10 month old or young child wants more of in life and for christmas: Love and Attention. Other than that mildly funny and obvious.
Oh you are a painfully funny writer. I’m so glad our kids are the same age. More. Please.
This is easily one of the funniest things I have ever read. And I have read A LOT of FOX news articles.
Very true stuff…. missed one though… a huge tub of bum cream!!! They love that stuff and its a pain if they get into it, for us.
This couldn’t be more true!
My daughter got it in her hair once when she was 18mos old or so.
LUSH Cosmetics’ “Squeaky Green” shampoo solid got it right out.
YES. 100% this. As the father of two very curious boys I can guarantee that this needs to be added to the list. I can’t tell if it’s to solve a problem or because they enjoy making messes.
Indeed. When our second born was small she smeared Bag Balm in her hair, on the wall, furniture, and more. It took weeks for the goo to wash out of her hair. The worst of it was her four-years-older sister tried to stop her, but got in trouble for spreading it around… I still feel bad about that one. Sorry for blaming you, too, Boo.
Haha yeah the bum cream is a favourite!
Yes, Michelle! We spin it like a top on the bathroom floor to distract him and keep him on the potty these days. He carries it around and drops it on my injured foot. Such a fun toy for him. Ha.
We have 2 two-year-olds, a boy and a dog, and I would say that even at 2 this list is pretty much accurate for both of them.
This is my 13 month old granddaughter to a tee. I laughed ’til I cried – twice. Just going to make a rod for my own back, decorating the Christmas tree!
Absolutely delightful!
This is hilarious!
#11 ought to be the damn Rainbow Loom bracelet piece – if you have an older child who likes to just leave the little pieces all over the house!
That is so true!!!!!
Or Legos 🙂
Ha- that’s why I haven’t bought one for my six year old! I swear the 14 month old has a collection of her hair rubber bands!
Puppies and ten month old babies have very similar Christmas wishes! 🙂 Great post!
Cute, but overlooks one thing. The need for new people to investigate absolitely everything. They want, not so much the object, as what they can learn from it. We could learn a lot from them.
My 13 month old wants in on this letter. Escept she already got the wall mount entertainment center. Oh yea. That was great fun while it lasted. The clean up she did not enjoy.
That’s the reason I’m a “behind the back of the roll” girl. My kids didn’t have the same fascination, because it just spun when swatted.
She managed to grab the end and pull. And pull. And pull. Then she was sitting in a pile of loo roll and mummy both irritated and amused. Shouldn’t have let her get that close 😉
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
[…] A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa. […]
Omigod. This is pure brilliance. SO ACCURATE.
Spot on!
excellent post, spot on!! loved it so much I reposted and now my 12 month old and I are going to have a chat and see just what it is he REALLY wants for Christmas.. (sorry Fisher Price…)
Um, isn’t that a one year old?
Love this so much!!! Thank you.
Yup, yup, yup…my 15 month old also still wants all of these things…plus the remote. He desperately wants the remote. Hilarious!
Yes, I was going to say that all are true for my 17 mo, plus any tv remote. But the one that doesn’t have batteries is no good. It has to result in something changing on the screen. They know the difference somehow!
I’m sure you have an old remote hanging around the house somewhere. Take out the batteries, sanitize it as best you can, and when he goes for it, pull a bait and switch. Granted that only lasts for about 2 seconds, because again he’s a baby and knows you have the real remote, but it can be a lifesaver for those two seconds.
This is really funny!
I just hope Mom isn’t really ever cursing at the baby.
The mom isn’t cursing at the baby. If you look at the bubbles above their heads, the baby’s is a spoken bubble and the mother’s is a thought bubble. The baby is saying the curse word, which causes the mother to think it. It’s most likely implying that the baby has heard the mother use it before (not at the baby, just in general), and we all know babies like to repeat things! lol That’s how I took it, at least.
that was how it was intended 🙂
You know the baby didn’t really write this. Right?
It would have been a MUCH cuter piece had it not been for the cursing. Surprised I even finished reading it except for the accuracy of the “Want List”. I’d love to share it, but won’t because of the language! 🙁 🙁
There’s always one…
This is absolutely hilarious! You are so funny. Thank you for making mine and my husband’s morning!
[…] 05:03 PM http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a…tter-to-santa/ This is probably true up to aged 4. Lol Sent from my GT-I9505 using SalonGeek mobile […]
This is inspired me to actually mount a toilet paper roll in my sons room. Lol
The list is incomplete…you have forgotten bare boobs, chocolate, bacon, and anything hot and liquid (coffee, soup, etc.). At least those were on my kid’s list. Thanks for the laugh.
That sounds like an adult males list. At least those are on my list!
By your kid do you mean your husband? Lol
[…] ETC: Mexican Bieber covers make love real. This is a deeply accurate summary of a ten month old’s brain. […]
Bonus – combine the bobby pins with the electrical cords and the fun will REALLY begin!
My husband’s cousin did that when he was two. Now he teaches sciences at the Math and Science academy.
Oh and the remote control for anything, it doesn’t matter. 🙂
I tell my 7 month old every day, “That label is a warning, not an invitation!”
Yes eight-month old baby has the same list – except for the dog hair and food, because we have no dog.
No dog?! What kind of parent ARE you?!!!!
One that lives in a small apartment 🙂 someday…..
I agree with all of the above and it is a long , long time since I had any babies around the house. Wish we could be closer so I could follow Sofia around as an extra guard against all the things she really wants.
Awesome! That’s hilarious, and why am I the only guy posting a comment on here?
I think there are others, unless the last comment I approved was a woman named Jim.
Doug…i was just wondering the same thing! U are so amazingly awesome for posting! 🙂 woohoo!!
I’m a dad with 5 kids. My youngest is now 8, but I went through every one of these (except the dog) five times over! Thank you for spreading holiday cheer!
Hello to another dad with a big family 🙂 I have 7 (oldest is 25, youngest is 9) and they all had this list too! The only difference with ours was that the list also included cats and cat toys, car parts and wiring (my second daughter, by the time she was 12 months old, was a serious wannabe mechanic), and pretty much anything that belonged to anyone else lol.
[…] Here’s the original post: The Ugly Volvo […]
So funny!! Even more so since I had my laddie on my lap while reading this and he kept pointing on the screen yelling “This!! This!!” 🙂
Reblogged this on #myhashtaglife.
This is so brilliant, and made my entire day. I’m sharing it all over everything. Thank you!!
I have a 9 month old and this list is completely accurate (if you replace cat hair with dog hair!). He’s not discovered the cat food yet thank goodness but give him time! Brilliant read and made my day 🙂
My eight month old daughter has an addition to that list, but tangentially. She seems to want her dad to have the recipe for book pages. She loves eating them and has learned fresh breast milk tastes better.
You can read my son’s mind! Very impressive. “If you don’t want me to eat the dog food, why is it on the floor?” Excellent question. I think our dog is dehydrated 90% of the time now because her water bowl(aka swimming pool) has been confiscated. Poor animal!
Thank you for this! Totally genius.
Loved this! Thanks for sharing. It is all so true. You forgot endless drawers for opening and countless towels to grab from their rightful hanging spots. Then the list would be complete for my 10 month old!
Another addition for babies with older siblings – “every single thing my older brother picks up.” Nothing is interesting until her big brother picks it up.
Bwahaha. . . My kids are 12 and 9, but the 12-year-old has impulse control issues so this could easily be his list, as well. Wait, that’s actually kind of sad. Great, now I need to go cry into a big honkin’ bowl of Ramen noodles. . . .
You only forgot to add that bobby pins and tweezers are excellent for putting in those little holes in the wall that have a cover with spaces left open for the objects to go in! Very true…all you said!!! 🙂
So true!!
I absolutely was rolling on the floor laughing at this. Thank you.
Mine 19-month old has been enthusiastically going at all of these things since about 9 months. Especially the dog hair. You put this into words hilariously and perfectly. Thank you.
I agree with previous commenters… The remote needs to be on this list. But not the old remote that Daddy took the batteries out of and gave to baby. That remote stinks. It needs to be the remote that lights up and makes things happen on the TV. 🙂
[…] See the wishlist at: http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
Hilarious!! I have read this multiple times and laugh out loud each time!! Well done!!!
Great list. I would add complete access to yanking mommy’s hair, particularly the tiny little strands around her neck that hurt the most 🙂
I agreed that my 11 month grandson want all these items and I added any glass or cup adults are drinking out of, necklaces and earrings, my purse ,rawhide dog bone and the remote control.
Spot on! Hilarious! My 1 year old is right there with um!
Oh my gosh hilarious! Don’t forget the litter box… Especially the covered ones. Obviously a tent of some sort.
This is PERFECT.
I had to stop reading this twice for fear i would pass-out from laughing so hard! Patty said its because I have the mind of a 10 month old and could relate to every point made.
Also, mommy’s makeup. Smearing it wherever they possibly can.
You are HILARIOUS. >.<
Funny stuff and I believe it’s the truth from a baby’s point of view. Well done.
[…] by this fantastical post right here, I decided we needed a What One-Year-Old Twins Want from Santa […]
This sounds like my 17 month old’s Christmas list…add the remote control and the dog’s bone, and it’s spot-on.
I have an 11 month old and dogs. I laughed so hard I cried.
I have an 11 month old baby and three dogs. I laughed so hard I cried.
I let my six-year-old read this list, because she helps me drag the baby away from all of this stuff so she totally knows what it’s all about (and she doesn’t know that the weird characters mean cursing yet, so that’s a score). She was immediately sympathetic to your baby and asked me if we had any bobby pins and if I knew where your baby lived. Fortunately, I do not, so my daughter will not be mailing your baby a package of forbidden items.
Definitely! I laughed till I cried! Only need to add a remote control (the REAL one black with grey buttons, not colorful kid version—they know the difference) and a dog bone. Half chewed bone preferred.
Reading this while my 6 month old is practicing crying in the key of “woe is me” instead of napping. Thank you for a much needed laugh! And this list is totally spot on.
My son is ten months, nine days old today so this article is quite appropriate for those wanting to buy him gifts right now. He is apparently unique in that his wishlist includes not only ALL of the items on this list but also any adult shoe ever made and every little baby clothes hangar one can find. He particularly wants shoes with water, mud, or leaves on them.
So precious! I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me to do this…lol… what fun to read!
Hilarious! I literally laughed till I cried! Our kid is about six months past this stage, but man is it accurate for ten months old. Spooky how all the ‘unique’ stuff about your kid is totally universal. The only stuff that didn’t apply was dog-related, and that’s only because we don’t have a dog. Also, the iphone should have been way higher.
Wahahahaha.
I already told my mom that the 13 month old is getting a box of kleenex under the tree. She will be thrilled.
Also a sandbox…aka the cat’s litter box
Hysterical!
I just made the wrapping paper joke about my own 9 nth old, and this is way more comprehensive.
Oh my god! This post is GENIUS! My daughter is also 10 months and you totally hit the nail on the head. I laughed so hard I cried! 🙂
Loved reading this, so funny and so true! A lot of the examples seem to reflect what goes through our eight month old son’s mind.
Reblogged this on Raising Eda and commented:
This has got to be the funniest blog post I’ve ever read! TheUglyVolvo totally hit it, spot on! This is Eda! 🙂
Reblogged this on RillyRoos – The Family Life and commented:
Tee hee. Oh yes, this is the list for toddlers
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
I liked it all but the cuzzing on #8
Stunning!
Did you leave off the electric outlets on purpose? Babies LOVE them!
So completely brilliant! I love this!
This is pure genius!
If my 10 month daughter only knew she was getting a new convertible carseat as her big gift from santa this year…. she would most definitely be sending this letter. But possibly also adding another almost empty “puff container maraka” to her list….
Babies have never changed since the beginning of time. Isn’t that the truth.
[…] It can be found by clicking here. […]
Vomit. what a bunch of huggy parenty no it all bollox. So, you are saying that you have procreated? Well whooptydo. I am sure you bore the crap out of your friends with your know it all baby/toddler stories. “ooooo he did a shit!”. “Yes darling, isn’t little Tarquin so advanced for his age”……. “ooooo he likes keys!”………
it was ok until you made the baby like he was cussing then that blew it
Oh jeez. The truth is so funny.
In tears at this. And can totally relate. I have a son who turns 2 in February, and a 4 year old! hahahaha thanks for the giggle! SHaring via facebook!
Don’t forget cords to the blinds! Muddy boots! Remote controls (and don’t take the batteries out first; I can tell the difference)!
Absolutely hilarious – and so true. Thankful mine are now obnoxious 9 and 13 year olds.
That was really, really funny, and I can totally relate!
This inspired me to go around the house and take photos of all the things my ten month old wants. I’m going to out them in her scrapbook!
I have a 9 month old who my husband and I have had to stop wearing glasses near since he’s mastered the no-look-glasses-grab even while his back is turned to us!
This article is tremendously entertaining, and it is almost therapitic to me to know I’m not the only one fighting this battle!
I wear my contacts basically every day now. By necessity.
This is awesome.
So very cute, as a mother of 6, grandmother of 8, and great grandma to 5, I can tell you your 10 month’s old list is almost exactly as all of my childrens, and grands and greats were/ (are) when they were making their own lists. Sweet inspiration for the toilet paper holder. I am giving one to my 2 year old ggson for Christmas, lol!
My 13 month old daughter agrees completely. She wants these things, plus the tail of at least one of the cats. Please.
How about their own box of kleenex! The things just keep replenishing! It’s freaking magic!
this is another very good one I totally forgot…
This list nails it! Even at 20 months my son has the same list… though given that we don’t have a dog I’d swap our those items for the remote control and my leg.
Loved every item in the baby’s list and laughed wholeheartedly; you are fantastic! Thank you!!!
How can we forget a toilet? Anything and everything must go into the toilet at first opportunity and if it is electronic it has priority!
utterly hilarious, I cried laughing. thank you.
Spot on. My 12 month old son would add a remote control and an empty water bottle as well.
Delightful! Thank you. As the Nana an frequent babysitter of my darling 10mth old Verity Rose, you’re so ‘on the money’, hah! My drop earrings are also like a magnet.
I am dying laughing, this is hysterical. Now excuse me while I go pry my 9 month old off the dog…again.
Absolutely cracked me up! My grandbaby agrees entirely with the first 10 – not sure about the bobby pins but it could only be because he hasn’t seen one yet. LOL! Thanks for a really good laugh.
Reblogged this on InkPaperPen and commented:
I laughed.
Oh that is gold! I think that list applies until they are 2.
How very, very true! My 13 months old also has soil from the big flower pots on his list. This is, obviously, for eating as well but it doesn’t matter much if half of it ends up on the carpet. Merry Christmas, fellow sufferers.
This made me laugh so hard I cried. I think you are hysterical, even when you are just talking about … your humidifier. Love, A Fan
I cannot get over how spot-on this is. I have a 10 month old son who is into everything on this list, and only a few hours ago, grabbed a handful of fur from my mother’s Golden Retriever’s bottom. Let me be clear, that is a type of dog, and not an adjective to describe the golden hind of my mother.
FTW! I think you just won the Internet with this. It’s beyond awesome and so true.
Wow – what a clever post — hysterical and so true!!
Fantastic!!
My 10 month old heartily agrees but did want me to point out magazines and paper of any kind must be added for a truly happy Christmas
Fantastic!
[…] exactly what she’s ask for for Christmas (in fact, it would probably look something more like this). Maybe I should rename this “Stuff I want to buy Charlie for […]
[…] now have a 10 month old son who is into absolutely everything (this blog could be written about him http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/), we put in an offer on a dilapidated house back in June, before we’d even decided that we […]
My husband and I couldn’t stop laughing, but my 15 month old daughter kept reminding us the one thing you’re missing: our keyboard.
I have lost count of the times I have discovered a new function of my computer by something that’s happened after my son smacked a random bunch of keys.
This is HILARIOUS!!! Our daughter is 9 months old and her favorite thing is also a laptop cord. 😀
Very funny, don’t forget all the plastic food containers! my son would pull them all out and then climb into the empty cupboardlolol
You forgot phones. Any phones, including cellphones. My youngest grandson (15 months old) has been after phones since he was about ten months old.
He is getting an awesome toy phone for Christmas, Qwerty keyboard, screen and everything. I just hope that he doesn’t realize it isn’t the right colour (black or silver) but colourful and reject it!
#12: What my big sister is playing with right now. I want it. I want it so bad.
Made me guffaw out loud at work. A perfect list for our 14-month old. Thanks for lighting up the day!
Reblogged this on D'eBook Sharing Book Reviews and commented:
So so funny and true 😀
Loved this a ton! made my day!
Liked it but won’t share it because of veiled profanity. Cant delete it.
Would a toilet paper roller in the 10 month old’s bedroom or play area with some thin fabric would around it be as unacceptable as plastic keys? If not, I think as a relatively new grandma, I’m on to something. Bwahahaha.
Reblogged this on Moments of a Wife & Mother of 3 and commented:
Very cute, very funny, very true lol 🙂
Reblogged this on Gluten Free For Yummies and commented:
This gave me a HUGE laugh! This is my 9 Month Old Son’s Christmas List to a T!
Thank You for this post! It seriously made my day!
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-bl… […]
I have a ten month old daughter, and I laughed so hard, because this would be her Christmas list to a T….except we have a cat and not a dog.
Holy shit! Have I been sleep blogging again?! That would explain the exhaustion. Henry is 10 months old. These are exactly his demands. I drive a pos Volvo and curse too much. Your dog even look like mine.
Oh my GOSH! Crying with laughter! This was (and to some extent is, even though she’s two now) my daughter to a T! Especially the eyeglasses. Absolutely gold!
Reblogged this on RemmiDemmi Circus and commented:
Was 10-monatige wirklich wollen … 😉
brilliant job…i would add books…but only for chewing (my spawn had teeth really early).
Love it!
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
Amazing. I have twin 20 month olds and my god, all of these!!!
Hilarious,
You and your brother wanted ALL OF THESE and a whole grocery
list of other things in the house. Basically….ANYTHING NOT NAILED DOWN!
LOL
This had me rolling on the floor practically – it is so funny!
Reblogged this on The Nanny Connection and Company and commented:
Pardon the profanities, but this is hilarious ( and SO true I’m sure)! Merry merry!
OMG, this is SO funny! I desperately needed a laugh — am drowning in Obamacare obstacles. Thanks for lightening up my night!
OMG, this is SO FUNNY! Thanks for lightening up my night! I am drowning in Obamacare obstacles. . . . .needed this laugh!
Minus the pet related items (we don’t have any), this list describes most of what my 20 month old would like as well. Love it!
As I read this I smiled and laughed as this reminds me so very much of my 10 month old grandson, Giovanni. What a fantastic letter to Santa., and oh so very true.
Love love loved it lmao all so true but you also forgot one…. tampons, they love ripping the package open and setting them on the choo choo train and pulling them along… **clears throut…my son did that! Lol.
So true…. very funny!
Reblogged this on Testimony Time Blog and commented:
Anyone with a young child or grand child know this is TRUTH and what a great piece to read and remember how they were.
its amazing what they find to eat, but when u go to feed real food to them they spit it all over u..lol kids there so much funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…
Two-year-old granddaughter and ten-month-old grandson – YES and YES! Thanks for the belly laughs; it’s all true.
Oh god, this describes my eleven month old to a T! I haven’t laughed at the internet this hard in ages.
Tears streaming down my face. Hilarious and spot on.
mother of four. laughed til I cried. thanks i needed that.
Whoever came up with this is brilliant. Babies are a laugh a minute if you don’t fold. LOL
This is wonderful. I fondly remember worrying about such things. It reminds me of how often we should take stock for the great things in our life, even if they are pulling the toilet paper and hiding Mom’s keys.
This is too cute! At what age do children stop wanting these things?
Nothing like a sweet little baby. They get into everything, break all your stuff, and leave a constsnt trail of little…and big, messes. And no matter how much mess they make, you just keep loving them more with every second.
Right now, at 6 weeks old, this little guys favorite plaything is a tightly gripped handful of my hair. Sometimes he goes at it double fisted like he’s got the reins on a horse.
Can’t lie…its not “my” favorite. Let’s hope he grows out of that one soon.
Haha
We have a 10 month old and this matches our baby to a tee. Love that someone else’s baby is just as crazy as ours. Thanks for writing and posting. Love!
I wish you could have seen how hard this made me laugh! I had to take breaks. Thinking you interviewed my 1 year old. Brilliant.
Laughing so hard right now! You nailed it. I just “met” you, and I love your humor already 🙂
LOL! This is hilarious! So true in everyday life with a baby! 😉
Hysterical! Thanks for that!
For my 13 month old son, I would have to add lots of big green bottles (sprite bottles) He just can’t get enough empty or mostly empty sprite bottles.
You are so spot on. Makes me giggle 🙂
And the remote control will be next.
Perfect!
Reblogged this on Dear Evelyn. . ..
Still 100% accurate for my 22-month old!
[…] First of all, this. […]
This was hilarious. I loved the hole in the floor one. So true. “I know I cannot “have” a hole, but I want one anyway. Genius.
This list made me laugh so hard! The only things missing for my 2 little ones are earrings and long hair.
Love this!
Ohhhh GAWWWWWD, does that take me back to when my twins were that precisely that age at precisely that time of year.
Reblogged this on Time 2 Thrive and commented:
This has nothing to do with wellness or eating healthy, but laughing is still the best medicine,so… enjoy!
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
Oh so good. My husband and I read this together, laughing out loud while our 8.5 mo old daughter tried desperately to grip the iPhone from my hand, salivating over the pictures of the trash can and toilet paper. Brilliant.
I laughed so hard that I cried. The only thing that I would change is to replace #11 with the toilet bowl brush. My 10-month old desperately wants to put that nasty thing in his mouth. Thanks for the laugh!
Loved it! Have to agree with the others, forgot the remote. My kids loved the remote
Hilarious and awesome post. Loved it very much.
This list is hilarious and so well-written! Thank you.
Oh wow, I laughed hysterically through that whole thing. I can barely breathe now.
I love this! My daughter would agree wholeheartedly with it.
That’s my son letter.
The four kids are now grown up, but the ten month-old puppy pretty much wants the same stuff too! Laughed so hard I woke the whole house!
Former ten month old here. I must point out that the bobby pins and the cords are for use together. And I also want a bowl of mashed potatoes to wash my hair in. Honestly. How am I supposed to grow any hair if I don’t get some mashed potatoes stat?
OMG totally true. Thankfully my daughter doesn’t want to eat the cords and lint anymore however everything else is still game.
Clearly you have not had a child. These are all low hanging fruit. The reality is much more entertaining.
Having raised two boys, now 37 & 40, how they survived that long, I don’t know. I think this list is spot on. The saying that every little boy has to eat 5 pounds of dirt to grow up or was it 10, was probably a low ball estimate to not scare new parents. both my wife and I laughed as we read the 10 month old’s list for Santa with memory’s of our sons. Keep up the good work.
Love it! Perfectly encapsulates my 15-month-old’s thoughts. I’d also add “laptop” and “anything my brother is holding.”
Holy crap! This is the funniest thing I have read in at least 6 months! Thanks for dreaming this up!
its an absolute list for my nine month old puppy
Brings laughter and many happy tears of remembrances.
[…] […]
So so true. Infact I have a few pictures of my 14months either chewing the electrical cable of rummaging through the bin.. Its as if all of them want all the aforementioned for Christmas. Oh dear, I wonder what Santa is going to do about their list .. yuk for some of them !
Oh, hello every day with my 10-month-old!
[…] via A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa. […]
Nailed it.
and I thought my grandson was unique!
So funny and true. I especially love the dust and dog fur. Goes hand in hand at my place. Great way to capture a babys true loves.
Hand to mouth at my house 😉
for ours… a spade full of dirt from the garden… to be served in liquid form and tipped from head to toe 😉
This is perfect. Really enjoyed it.
Haha! Very true list! You forgot one bery important thing – pulling mom’s hair! pulling all long hair if possible! 😉 My 11-mnths old boy is also very fond of soap and shampoo containers 😉
You forgot the spaghetti; it falls out of its packet beautifuly
This was such an entertaining read and oh so true! Thank you for sharing!
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, THATS EVERYTHING I WANTED TOO.
LOL!
Hilarious! Thank you for making me smile this morning. My 11 month old would definitely put the tv remote, or more specifically the Apple TV remote, at the top. But the rest seem pretty spot on, especially the phone and toilet paper!
My niece is so obsessed with the cable remote that her parents took the batteries out of a spare one and designated it as hers. She still hasn’t tired of it.
Don’t forget the jewelry- necklace, earrings, bracelet they like them all and will grab and pull before you realize what going on.
Thanks for the morning laugh. And my 13 month old grandson says tell the baby: “don’t worry, you will totally understand the phone in 3 months, and be able to turn it on whether android or apple version”.
Oh, dear, we must be appalling parents, there is nothing on that last our 6 year old son would turn down or not put in his sticky, ickle mouth. Very, very funny and astute.
Gee, I hope you meant 6 MONTH old son. 🙂
Fabulous funny, sweet, well observed…in fact just sublime! I wanted to have written this when I read it!
This is so true! Definitely my 15-month-old’s wish list.
Except you forgot the remote, her brother’s Legos (the tinier the better), and that sippy cup of milk behind the couch that she was saving for later.
So funny! And almost all of these still apply to my 2.5 year old twins.
The running water in the toilet bowl was one of my favorite things. Love to watch anything I could get my hands on to put in it.
Reblogged this on thematticuskingdom and commented:
This was so funny, and rang so true for us, that the Queen and I were laughing reading it until tears ran down our cheeks. True story. Read. Laugh. Enjoy.
I think you are HILARIOUS! You say things that I know are in my head, but they don’t come out funny at all when I say them. After I read this Santa letter on FB I went back and read a ton of your other blogs…at work…laughing out loud. I had to make up reasons why I was laughing. This is good stuff! And SO true…
My husband and I have decided you somehow snuck into our house and through some miraculous feet of baby comprehension, managed to translate EVERYTHING our toddler wants to say.
Laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. Seriously.
Absolute gold. Thank you for making my abs hurt – I’d forgotten they were in there somewhere!
[…] http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ […]
I died. With two pawns of my own I can certainly realate. Even at 2 and 4 they somehow aren’t quite past all of these.
So true…. My wee boy loved takeaway menus!! Random
[…] letter to santa from 10 month old […]
My Neice. Laughing so hard!
[…] A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa. […]
dont forget the gorcery list i just made or the scrub brush for the dishes or every decoration on the tree that’s tied on….
I rember when i was little now 30 yera old
This is absolutely, amazingly perfect. All of it.
I laughed until I cried honest tears. I truly needed this today with both me and the wee one sleep deprived sick monsters.
And don’t forget the dog’s bowl of water, which is great fun to dump out when Mom isn’t looking! After all, why would it be on the floor if it wasn’t there to play in?
This would be my 15 month old twins exact Christmas list. Hilarious, thanks for the laugh!
My 20 month old twins would also like this. They’ve ruined two laptop cords and yesterday pulled egg shells out of trash (I forgot to lock it) and ate the egg shells. The loud crunching got my attention.
Ha, fantastic! When Kate was 10 months, it would have been the plastic electrical plugs in the wall that were supposed to keep her from sticking her fingers into the outlet. Much better to take that out of the wall and into her mouth.
Though now at age two, it would be that tape her MDO teacher put on the ground to show her where she should sit. That’s dumb; obviously, it is better in the mouth.
If your child is still putting things from the ground in her mouth at 2 years old, you need to get her tested.
You honestly think that by two years old almost all children have stopped putting strange things in their mouths?! If you’re not a troll, then you certainly have a lot to learn about small children.
hhahah, beruntung sekali saya membaca ini.. from indonesia
this is a great post and so so true, my girls ia ten and a half months and she would love all of these things…. and more anything babies ‘should not’ have seem to always be more interesting to them than the shop bought toys…
And necklaces and hoop earrings. This is also on every 10 month old’s wish list. They must be able to pull them directly off a human’s neck and ears.
Clever.
Hilarious. And absolutely true.
Double this for twins and it’s spot on in my household.
I would only add the TV remote!
yes! loved it all but we would definitely need to add the remote!!
And stairs, don’t forget stairs!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151765286957064&set=p.10151765286957064&type=1&theater
I do not have any in my immediate apartment, or I would have included them. I am already kicking myself for forgetting the remote control.
Don’t worry, Theuglyvolvo. It’s a proven fact that maternal exhaustion dramatically increases the size of the forgettery.
PS Loved the list!
[…] read TheUglyVolvo’s child’s letter to Santa about what he, as a 10-month-old, wanted for Christmas. She, being eight months old, also has a […]
I giggled and giggled and giggled. As in, like a ninny.
I have to add opening tampons to this list 🙂
Reblogged this on Pepper'd and commented:
This could also be called “A Three Year Olds Letter to Santa” or “An Eighteen Month Olds Letter to Santa” or “A Five Month Olds Letter to Santa”. She must know my kids personally!
[…] are creative (or nutty….or both ♥) and they see beauty in everyday things. So inspired by this post, here is E’s Toddler Christmas Wish List based on things she truly loves, and plays with […]
These “10-month-olds” sound very entertaining and would probably make excellent an Christmas gift! How do I find one?
Will loan out 20 month old for two weeks, that will be all you need. Will gladly take him back, his mother and I need the rest.. be warned he is smart enough to over turn toy box and push it to what ever is high point he finds iinteresting , countertops particularly. He has most pleasant personalty, say thank you, Iwanna that, nite nite, bye bye I lovves you, talkes to Daddy every day on skype (Dad is in afghanistan). He is a natural mechanic over turns all his cars and trucks and fixes them
Like all hotly desired Christmas gifts, they’re on back order… If you order now, a custom made, to your specs order will take approximately 9 months to deliver, minimum, but often can take longer. If you don’t want to go the custom made route, there are others available, but that can take just as long, if not longer to arrive. 😉
[…] things again with my heart, instead of skimming them with an eyeroll. Things about homeostasis, and Xmas lists, and working off debt, and lying liars who […]
Love this ! I have a 19 month old Grandson and we laughed so hard at each n everything on the list! Especially the keys …plastic vs metal! Don’t forget the starter n alarm necessary on the ring as well! Thanks again!
My daughter knows exactly how you feel – and I know all about the glasses.
My baby is only a month old but I’m sure this will be him in no time especially if he takes after his daddy
It also sounds like my 10 month old kitten’s list.
That’s what I say as my 7 mo. old cat is presently sitting right below my keyboard as I’m typing! Good job,Susie! ^” ” ^!
This is fantastic!!! My little one just turned 10 months, and this is EXACTLY what she would love for Christmas! Everyone keeps asking me what she would like (like I would know! lol She likes whatever I give her to play with! ), I feel like forwarding them this list! hehe
hey, what about Christmas trees?
I luckily had the foresight to realize that putting one up would be a total disaster 🙂
Playpens are made for Christmas Trees…
only parents and grandparents know this list – thanks for the reminder!
Toilet bowl brush.
I know that if a 10 month old could communicate this way, he/she would ask for EXACTLY what is on this list! Hilarious!!! As a parent of 3 small children, I vouch for everything listed here!!! Lol 🙂
These “nice” stories probably happen in many families with small children, but the way you put it really brought back my own memories. It made me smile a lot.
Thank you for sharing – Herma
This had me in stitches – thank you for a wonderful belly laugh today.
Yep, that’s pretty accurate for 1 yr olds, too. Lol
Don’t forget a package of baby wipes that you can pull out one-by-one…
[…] know” is the appropriate response to any question, I enjoy speculative writings like this Christmas wish list for a 10-month-old, and that blog about why a two-year-old is crying. I […]
So funny & true. Love this. And I would add for my 10 month old a toilet with the seat left up — preferably one that was left unflushed by an older sibling. Also, the dirty round covers that cover the screws/bolts that hold the toilet to the floor – my little guy REALLY wants those! 🙂
LOVE! I can’t stop laughing. We have a 13-month old and this describes him so accurately! ; )
I really hope you are professional comedian or writer, this material is pure gold. I’m serious, you’re really funny.
I love this. My Vylah does all these except the Bobby pins and I can’t tell you how many times a day I say “No, Vylah, get that out of your hand/mouth, how many times a day do I have to sweep the *ucking floor!” So that one had me and my husband in tears!
It seems all critters are the same in the end. Wonderful post!
Almost exactly my 13 month old’s list. Only replace hole in the floor with Mom’s hairbrush and water spray bottle. So funny!!!
I actually have a very bad headache from laughing so fricking hard from this!!! Keep them coming, a letter from a 10 month old to the doctor comes to mind…lololol
I laughed so hard that I was crying. My 2.5 unrolled the toilet paper roll again today. You forgot to add that plastic fake toy phones don’t cut it either. Wet cotton balls and floss…. I’m dying
This post is full of win! I could not stop laughing.
[…] 10 month old’s Christmas list […]
The hole one made me laugh out loud, but also quietly at my desk at work. Very accurate list!
Haha. Love this. The harder Mommy tries to pry bits of rug out of my mouth the tastier it gets. Apparently. At least that was my daughter’s non-edible of choice. Rug. Yum.
Pretty much almost died laughing. My 10mo old is OBSESSED with cords – as in “Chews ones currently plugged into the wall” obsessed. May I submit toiler brushes as #12. GAAAAAH!
I second the toilet brush suggestion!
Right?! What the hell! Worst toy ever but my son won’t freaking stop trying to get it.
Yes. And tape, and crayons – not to color with but to unwrap and break, and any food on someone else’s plate even if it’s the same as what’s on hers – hers is reserved to go on the floor.
Wow…it amazes me how many people find this cute and are amused by this. I didn’t find one but of this comical; more like a wake up call to inattentive parents! Hello!!
*bit
Then you are obviously not a parent and this was not intended for you. Try having a baby and then following it around every waking moment of your day for 700 days straight. ALL parents are inattentive. It’s how we maintain our sanity, lol.
You can’t bubble wrap your kids. Over-protecting is just as bad, possibly even worse, than under-protecting. You need to experience what it’s like to be a parent before dropping such blanket statements about a topic you clearly have no experience with.
Apparently you have never had a busy 10 month old around. Or a child of any age.
obviously u have no kids or they are vegetables or just very unhappy.
this post has been hilarious 😀
Oops, me thinks a sense of humor is (should be) at the top of your Christmas list.
lol! You got that right! 😀
Good call!
Lol 😀 No kidding…I can’t even imagine how exhausting that would be walking around that serious all the time. Lighten up!
called child proofing your home
First of all, you don’t have to be inattentive to notice that your kid desires these dangerous things. And you have to be observant to note things like their interest in a very safe floor hole. Second of all, you’re not a parent, obviously.
Clearly you have never had children nunyabiz or this would in fact not only be hilariously funny, but also (shocking I know) absolutely true! Couldn’t agree more with you YoursTruly about following your child around – my daughter once ate an enormous dead moth that she found on the floor – I spent ages scooping it out of her mouth with my finger and then washing all the moth dust off from around her mouth – yukko. Still, they progress from floor dust and cables, to snot and dirt, then onto everything in the pantry that isn’t nailed down.
Are you kidding?
Do you have any clue what “tongue-in-cheek” means?
Please don’t reproduce. Ever.
^There is always someone^ Sometimes I wonder if these people read blogs and news articles just to reply with criticizing comments, to find the one grammatical error, or to just argue against the topic…. It’s sad
The fact is clearly that you are not a parent… Because these other posts are. These are all things kids do, even when you turn away for a second. It’s not bad parenting, its kids being curious and resourceful
Probably you should not be allowed to breed. A sense of humor is required to survive parenthood!
You say inattentive parents, but you must have missed the part where it says before the baby can get to the stuff they are pulled away.
People like you make me sad for people like you, with your inability to recognize or appreciate a silly, HARMLESS, joke. She isn’t going to give the kid any of these things for Christmas. Take things a little less seriously, and ask Santa to leave you a sense of humor.
Dear Lord, You OBVIOUSLY have ZERO sense of humor. Go suck on something sour.
just had to rain on this parade didnt you?
Fuck off, i take it you are a parent of a bubble boy/girl are you not bored running aroung the house with anti bacterial wipes and disinfectant!!!
Yeah, this is the point when you can give parenting advice cause you of course know eeeeverything, how many kids do you have??
I have three, the oldest has survived to be almost nine years old allready with eating dirt from a flowerpot, rancid hot dogs from the trash bin, dog food, stones, leaves, paper and s&€!, she’s healthy, has no allergies and I had no childprotective service close to our house, ever!
But it’s fine, I’m just a lazy singlemother of three who finds it impossible to run after my kids 24/7 while taking care of the house and work.
How sad to read your comment….. we now have three grown up daughters who are well adjusted and fun to be with – and yet we can relate to all the ten things on the list and laugh- no parent has eyes in the backs of the heads – and all three girls survived too!
Really? Like your child has never gotten ahold of something they aren’t supposed to? Because I’m sure that you are the absolute perfect parent. No matter how attentive you are, the point of the joke is they still go for these things instead of all the toys. You are just ignorant
Pipe down super mom
I disagree, the people who don’t ‘get it’ and laugh are the parents that truly are inattentive and never knew any of these examples took place. The people here caught the babes in the act and corrected it. Perfect parenting! And then instead of crying they laugh about it 🙂
LOL! You definitely aren’t a parent!
It would be inattentive if the child actually got these things. However, if the child got them, then the item wouldn’t be on the “want”list.
Says the childless person.
Yes obviously the parent is so inattentive which is why babies get pulled away from all these things they find ever so fascinating!
You’re a moron.
Oh look, it only took four posts for the concern troll to appear. Was it a whistle or a bell that you responded to?
Wow, would you please remove that stick from your butt? Almost every parent I know has to get away for at least two minutes (whether its to stir dinner on the stove or to take a baby toy away from the dog) and in that two minutes, babies can get into everything! There is zero way to utterly and completely childproof a home. All the baby gates, childproof locks, and closed doors won’t stop a curious baby from finding something they shouldn’t be playing with.
Ummm I am guessing you don’t have kids. If you did you would be aware that it is virtually impossible to be 100% attentive to you child in such a way that you can prevent things like this happening, Unless of course you keep them caged up in a “play pen” which many learn to climb out of. ALso keep in mind the reason the child wants these things is that the so-called inattentive parents keep taking them away from him/her.
You had me at the first picture. Best ab exercise of the day. Thanks!