Things That are Sus

My children are constantly informing me which things in the world are sus.  (Thank you!  So helpful!)  This show is sus, that song is sus, that anime show is incredibly sus.  I figured I could get a more specific definition, but when I asked my kids, “Hey, can you name some things that are sus?” their faces turned the color of a literal blood clot and they acted like they were going to vomit. My 11yo answered, “Oh gross, no,” while my 7yo eagerly asked, “Ummmmmm, can I write it on a piece of paper?”  (Sure)

So based on their reactions to things over the last few months, here are a few things that are 100% sus, in case you and your family are looking to avoid them and/or seek them out!

1. Any People on TV Kissing Where Their Noses Keep Banging Into Each Other

   

7yo: look, on the TV!!!

Me: what about it?

7yo: look what’s happening!!!!!

Me: people kissing?

7yo: You see how their noses keep hitting into each other when they kiss?  That’s the sus type of kissing!! When your noses hit into each other!!!!!!!!

Me: why is that type more sus?

7yo: I DON’T KNOW, JUST LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. The Movie Hook

   

Remember the scene in the movie Hook where Robin Williams’ character returns home and kisses his middle aged wife on the mouth?  Of course you don’t.  No one does, except for (obviously!) both my kids.  My older son literally said, “Oh gross, why didn’t you tell us it was one of those types of movies???” to which I responded, “What types of movies? The type where Peter Pan saves his children and Neverland and rediscovers his identity?” to which they just rolled their eyes, because wow, why am I so gross AND so annoying??

3. Me Asking Them What Things Are Sus

Me: so wait, explain what things are sus

11yo: Oh my god, you asking this is so sus.

7yo: Do you want me to say it???  Like say out loud a sus thing?

Me: Say what?  I don’t know what you’re going to say.

7yo: Like the most sus thing I can think??

Me: I guess?  Or just a thing you thought was sus.

7yo: If you just want to hear a sus thing, you can ask [NAME REDACTED] at the playground, because they say sus things all the time.

4. Just me existing and also everything I do

The other day I said the word “sex” in a sentence while standing in the hall and both children screamed, “HEY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” from the bedroom, despite the fact that when I say things like, “Hey, can anyone help set the table?” they allegedly cannot hear me when I am four inches away, let alone from 30 feet down the hall through a closed door.

5. [NAME REDACTED] at the Playground

11yo: omg, mama, [NAME REDACTED] is so sus and they said THE MOST SUS THING at the playground.

Me: Like what?  What did they say that was so sus?

11yo: (looks at me terrified, as if I have demanded that he release government secrets and he is unsure of the consequences of withholding the information)

Me: Oh wow, was it as bad as the time the parents kissed in Hook?

6. Bob’s Burgers

   

Why is this show sus?  Because the parents love each other.  At even the hint that the parents have any sort of relationship that consists of more than “uniting to lovingly corral Louise/ help Tina through an emotional crisis,” both my kids walk away to get pretzels. That being said, they both love the show enough to put up with it, which is nice.

7. Finding the words ASS on the Boggle Board

 

Neither kid says out loud that this is sus, but they break into horrifically uncomfortable laughter throughout the game, eventually being annoyed with me that I wrote it down to get points.

8. That SNL Skit Where Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch are in a Hot Tub with Jimmy Fallon

My 11yo nearly died watching this. This skit contains repeated use of the word “Love-ah,” over-the-top sexual innuendo, and the full sentence, “he rubbed my nubile body with fruit linamenets and Noxema.”  My son quietly put his entire head under a pillow, eventually crying out, “OK, PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE GO BACK TO CELEBRITY JEOPARDY OR EVEN JUST THE COWBELL ONE,” while dramatically covering his eyes and acting like he was being murdered.

9. Sussex County New Jersey

Sussex is literally a combination of the words ‘sus’ and ‘sex’ and the first time my older son noticed this on a sign he went, “Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!” like it was a rare bird sighting that he literally could not believe.

10. Our Local Dry Cleaner

There’s a local dry cleaner with a sign right in front that says, “Drop Your Pants Here!” with a big arrow.  I once explained why it was a funny sign and now sometimes when we drive past it my 7yo acts like we are driving past a literal naked person having sex in the road.

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Thanks for reading.  If you know someone (with a sense of humor) who’s either pregnant or struggling through raising a baby, please feel free to buy them a copy of my book, linked to HERE, or if you don’t want to use Amazon, HERE.

If you’re wondering if your child is [NAME REDACTED], please know that literally all of our children are [NAME REDACTED] at some point, no matter how innocent they act when they’re around us.

If you wanted to let me know all the other words you found on that Boggle board, you can write them here or leave them as a Facebook comment.

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