The Ugly Volvo

How to Administer Ear Drops to a Baby When You Are Home By Yourself

Oh no, your baby has an ear infection!  Luckily the doctor has given you ear drops which will have your baby feeling better in no time.

HOW TO ADMINISTER EAR DROPS

1.  Hold baby across your lap as you sit on the sofa, turning his head so that the affected ear faces upwards.  Hold baby’s head stable using your non-dominant hand.  Next, using your free hand, grab bottle and squeeze one drop into baby’s ear.  

eardrops theuglyvolvo 1

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2.  As drop enters ear canal, baby will scream as if you are drowning him in battery acid.

eardrops theuglyvolvo 9

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3.  Baffled by his response to what should be a reasonably painless interaction, check to make sure you have the correct bottle and have not accidentally reached for a small ear drop-shaped bottle of lighter fluid or something equally dangerous that someone may have left in your medicine cabinet.  This is a common mistake.

eardrops theuglyvolvo 8

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4.  Hold baby down with non-dominant hand.  Baby will now violently thrash his head in an attempt to escape your grip.  Using your dominant hand, hold ear drop bottle between your fingers and squeeze four additional drops onto your child’s face, making sure none of them lands anywhere near the child’s infected ear.

eardrops theuglyvolvo 3

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5.  Curse quietly to yourself while child cries.  Make another attempt to align spout of ear drop bottle and opening to ear.  Place several more ear drops in various locations on child’s face.

eardrops theuglyvolvo 0

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6.  Briefly hold your child upright in an attempt to calm him.  He will angrily grab your lips or nose as a means of saying, “Please stop doing this.  I am unhappy.”

eardrops theuglyvolvo 2

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6.  Hook your hand around child’s head, using your upper body strength in an attempt to hold him immobile, all the while feeling like a horrible human being because you have your child, who you allegedly love, in a headlock against his will.

eardrops theuglyvolvo y*          *          *

7.  Call SWAT team.

eardrops theuglyvolvo 5

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Also, for the record, yes, I know Socrates drank hemlock.

Comments

44 responses to “How to Administer Ear Drops to a Baby When You Are Home By Yourself”

  1. MakeWayForLindaJ Avatar
    MakeWayForLindaJ

    Times that torturous experience by a thousand if you have to administer eye drops….. worse than trying to get my (non-declawed) cat to swallow a pill.

    Reply
  2. deweydecimalsbutler Avatar
    deweydecimalsbutler

    I LOLed. This is spot on. Thank you. Also, Gummy BerryJuice!

    Reply
  3. mistfrost Avatar
    mistfrost

    SO ACCURATE – for the first attempt. As horrible as it sounds, I have found the most effective method to be sitting lightly on top of my child to pin down 90% of his/her body (I’ve had to do it with both kids), turn the head the right way and drop the “approximately” correct number of drops in the ear as fast as humanly possible. And then cuddle. Eye infections are equally as horrible and as nearly impossible to administer the drops… I have too much experience with this one. I’ve gone through about 20 ear infections with two kids…

    Reply
    1. CMC Avatar
      CMC

      I was totally thinking of the “sit on child” technique too. It works!

      Reply
  4. HokieKate Avatar
    HokieKate

    Awesome. But eye drops are even worse. The kid squeezes her eyes shut, so you’re trying to pry her eye open, pin her down, and administer the drop, and then she starts crying and the tears lubricate everything so you can’t hold her eyelids and you can’t tell if that liquid is a tear or medicine. I hate pinkeye.

    Reply
    1. Kelsey Avatar
      Kelsey

      If you have her shut her eyes, and just drop the medicine over where her tear duct is, it’ll still run into her eyes once you throw the bottle down and pry open her eyelids.

      Reply
  5. Gaby Avatar
    Gaby

    Ha!!! You just keep getting better. My son’s satan is the nose frida.

    Reply
    1. KateKay Avatar
      KateKay

      I know you might find it hard to believe (and a little evil as well), but in Poland you can actually get a sort of a nose frida contraption that connects to your regular VACUUM CLEANER and sucks like… really SUCKS.

      No brain matter visible though, so I assume it leaves the baby’s brain intact. Seriously.

      Reply
  6. suffolkbabies Avatar
    suffolkbabies

    I can relate to this completely. I still have yet to master the snot sucker thingy. Ear drops by myself would be too advanced for me. If I ever find myself needing to do it I’ll try your tips. Great images by the way. I love the look of your blog art.

    Reply
  7. lucinda Avatar
    lucinda

    Ha! I thought the second diagram was a dagger in the cross-section of an ear and that you were depicting what the pain feels like for the child. But you’re right, everyone suffers when a child is in pain. goodt stuff, as always.

    http://www.currenttempo.com

    Reply
  8. sue at nobaddays Avatar
    sue at nobaddays

    So true.

    Reply
  9. Maggie Wilson Avatar
    Maggie Wilson

    Only common point I can offer is pilling the cat. That and the fact I had an ear infection as a girl. But I loved the illustrated essay. Hope everyone has recovered?

    Reply
  10. dotsdancing Avatar
    dotsdancing

    Hoep baby doesn’t get eye infections, because then you’ll also worry about infecting yourself as you struggle with administering eyedrops on a squirmy baby who won’t want to open their eyes and dealing with highly contagious goopy bacteria crust.

    Reply
  11. Her Royal Thighness Avatar
    Her Royal Thighness

    Your blog never ceases to make me laugh!

    Reply
  12. carrich21@verizon.net Avatar
    carrich21@verizon.net

    Fabulous, hysterical and so true!!   

    Reply
  13. darkbookworm13 Avatar
    darkbookworm13

    This is exactly right, are you spying on my house, or are our kids all trained to do this before they arrive? My kids do this with nose drops, and God help you if they have an eye infection…. My 3 year old acts as though I am trying to disembowel her whenever I have to medicate her these ways. Clearing out nose congestion is an MMA match at our house >_<

    Reply
  14. becky Avatar
    becky

    …..one word….NEBULIZER…just as terrible.

    Reply
  15. Elizabeth Avatar
    Elizabeth

    The only thing worse? Eye drops. Might as well be dropping acid in their eyes.

    Reply
  16. Meghan Avatar
    Meghan

    Forget ear and eye drops. Have you tried eye GEL?!?! “Squeeze a 1/2” line of gel along the inside of the eyelid”… seriously?!?! Is that even humanly possible?

    Reply
    1. Kerry Avatar
      Kerry

      I had to do that to a kitten!

      Reply
  17. Martha Goudey Avatar
    Martha Goudey

    Tears of laughter.

    Reply
  18. Sarah Avatar
    Sarah

    My daughter is a horrible medicine taker. When she was about a year old she got strep throat and I had to fight her 2x every day for 10 days trying to give her the dose of antibiotics. It was torturous. I feel for you!

    Reply
  19. d_girl Avatar
    d_girl

    Baby burrito is the way to go. I do the same with my oddly strong chihuahuas for nail trimming. Finally use your old swaddles again, wrap arms tightly to baby sides. Administer detested meds. Try not to think about psychological terror involved.

    Reply
  20. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Administering most medicines is a two-person job. I try to get two other people to do it. I’ll second and third what others have said above about pink eye and, ack, the nebulizer. Nightmares both. I always expect the cops to show up the way she carries on. At this point I sneak up on her and get her in a headlock. She’s 3 1/2 and I’m growing more pitiless.

    Reply
  21. Almost Iowa Avatar
    Almost Iowa

    A much more efficient technique is to place the bottle within reach of the baby and walk away. Eventually, everything within a baby’s grasp will be jammed into their ears. You might also find that the cat, the dog and the hamster have all been inoculated against ear infection.

    Reply
  22. craftysorcha Avatar
    craftysorcha

    Oh my goodness this is so true. My baby has just been prescribed a nasal spray. It’s a nightmare administering it. We have to cover his eyes with a cloth because he tends to move his head just as I spray so it nearly gets in his eyes!

    Reply
  23. BOY BAND MUMAGER Avatar
    BOY BAND MUMAGER

    Good post! Always fun administering medicines to children. Never had to battle with ear drops (though they look easy in comparison to putting in eye drops).
    Oddly enough, my boys are not keen on the whole medicine thing – I’ve tried to look on the bright side and believe that they won’t be shooting up heroin in 20 years’ time. My medicine-giving tips are here: http://boybandinthemaking.wordpress.com/2014/02/23/socks-drugs-and-rock-n-roll/

    Reply
  24. Tonya Avatar
    Tonya

    Brilliant! As the others have mentioned, this is my exact scenario for nose drops/ aspirator. We’re to the point where he shrieks in terror at the mere sight of either and wrenches up like a serpent. No fun for either of us!

    Reply
  25. Properly Ridiculous Avatar
    Properly Ridiculous

    I laughed loud enough a few times while enjoying this – I had a few people pop their heads into my office to see if I was actually working… My kiddo had a lot of respiratory issues when he was an infant & I can relate all to well to the thrashing child. Attempting to squirt saline solution up a baby’s nose has to rank right up there with ear drops. Great post!

    Reply
  26. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    “Gummiberry Juice is a concoction formulated using Gummiberries by the Gummi Bears, with the recipe known only by Grammi Gummi until she later taught it to Sunni Gummi. The juice is produced by adding six handfuls of red berries, then four orange berries, three purple berries, four blue berries, three green berries and one yellow berry. The recipe ends with the 3-step-stir: first stir slow to the right, then slow to the left, then tap the pot to banish the bubbles.”

    In case anyone needs to know how to make it 🙂

    I love reading your stuff & I don’t even have kinds yet!

    Reply
  27. Kristin Avatar
    Kristin

    Whoops, kids*

    Reply
  28. Nanalettie Avatar
    Nanalettie

    Worst ever: sitting on two year old in back of minivan attempting to administer eye drops, while camping, while other extended family members sit around campfire making jokes about it. Doing this three times a day. Arrive home three days later. Take child for follow up appointment, only to be told by Dr. that since it was a virus not bacteria, the eye drops had been unnecessary.

    Reply
  29. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    You crack me up! oh the memories!!

    Reply
  30. Is It Just Me? Avatar
    Is It Just Me?

    So true! Love this blog… I can only assume that the doctors prescribe 5 drops per ear knowing full well that we will only get 1, maybe 2 complete drops in which is all that they really need. It’s doctor type hedge-betting at it’s best!

    Reply
  31. Jessica Dofflemyer Avatar
    Jessica Dofflemyer

    Love the post. Humor aside, I used to put the drops in my son’s ears while he was sleeping, then quickly put a small wad of cotton in to hold the medicine. I’m sure there’s a whole piece to be done on the art of tiptoeing with curative potion and cotton balls to the ears of a sleeping babe.
    My heart is aching and laughing as I read. Such is the path of parenthood. 🙂

    Reply
  32. amycoppola Avatar
    amycoppola

    And the doctor wonders why you need a refill so soon… could it be that although only two drops get in the child ear at least 15 drops are spent in the process.

    Reply
  33. Els Avatar
    Els

    Swaddle baby, rock to sleep on your lap with bottle nearby. Then administer drops while kid is asleep. If he does wake, he is swaddled and can’t wiggle much. Then rock back to sleep. Works for eye drops, too. For yucky tasting medicine, swaddle, have bottle of sippy cup nearby, put medicine in a syringe to squirt. If the child will not open his mouth, pinch his nose closed. When he opens, put syringe in his mouth, but wait until he has taken a breath. Then squirt in medicine. Hold head so he can’t turn over and spit. He will swallow so he can take the next breath. Fight over, offer soothing bottle or sippy cup.

    Reply
  34. redpenmamapgh Avatar
    redpenmamapgh

    Do the burrito. This works for eyedrops, too. Make it a game! It’s fun, and then they are pissed at you, but 1. Meds delivered; 2. Babies have short memories.

    Good luck. Awesome graphics. 🙂

    Reply
  35. Michelle Avatar
    Michelle

    Love your Blog! Its so true and funny. and I completely know the pain of this since my two two year olds have to have ear drops quite often. >.<

    Reply
  36. advpareshvns Avatar
    advpareshvns

    Reblogged this on advpareshvns and commented:
    Hi

    Reply
  37. Scott Churchill Avatar
    Scott Churchill

    Your blog is great! It’s fun to read while relaxing with my baby who will someday, I’m sure, get an ear infection. That’s gonna be the day 😀

    Reply
  38. meetzorp Avatar
    meetzorp

    I am having painful flashbacks from The Time I Tried To Use The Snot-Extractor-Bulb. I ended up giving it up as a bad job as he thrashed about so violently I was afraid I’d end up giving him a nosebleed.

    Reply
  39. Sam Haworth Avatar
    Sam Haworth

    It doesn’t get better very quickly. My 5 year old got a nasty case of swimmers ear recently. In the course of trying to apply the necessary submission hold to get him to let me put the drops in, he managed to kick the medicine bottle I had set on a nearby table across the room, spilling most of the medicine. Insurance wouldn’t cover a replacement and a new bottle was almost $400 out of pocket. Let me tell you, no further drops were wasted. We managed to squeeze the full course of treatment out of the tiny dribble left in that tiny bottle, and all it took was full body grapple that I like to call the “Boa Constrictor”.

    Reply
  40. S/mommy Avatar
    S/mommy

    After many horrible episodes with our own child, I’m starting to believe that administering medicine to babies should be banned under the Geneva Convention. What especially kills me is the illustration in the instruction booklet of a smiling, relaxed mom happily dosing her smiling, relaxed infant, who submits docilely to the medicine and doesn’t even look sick. I’d like to see medicine that offers accurate illustrations of full body wrestling holds appropriate to use while administering medicine to infants who are screaming bloody murder, and coated in snot, tears and/or puke.

    Reply

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