There’s been a lot of talk about Tiger Moms in the news lately, and by “The News” I of course mean, “My Twitter feed and this one woman at Gymboree who didn’t know me but had very strong opinions.”  Everyone seems to hate tiger moms, but I think they’re great!  Here’s why:

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1.  Their Kids Always Look Adorable in Photos

Photo Credit: Jerry Tillery/Flickr

 The main reason God didn’t give tigers opposable thumbs was to keep them off Instagram.  If tigers could access the internet they would spend so much time compiling Snapfish albums of  their adorable baby tigers that they’d forget to keep reproducing and would be extinct within 6 years.

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2.  Tiger Moms Are Totally Laid Back About Their Kids’ Friends

Photo Credit: Leo Fung/Flickr

 “You’re hanging out with WHO?”  That’s something you’ll never hear a tiger mom say.  Tiger moms are totally chill about their kids hanging out with whomever– pigs, gazelles, other tigers from “the wrong side of the tracks” who do stuff like cut class and smoke cigarettes and listen to the “wrong kinds of music.”  Whatever, right?  Tiger moms know life’s too short.

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3.  Tiger Moms Aren’t Super Anal-Retentive About Food

Photo Credit: ElPadawan/Flickr

Human moms are like, “Do you have any more of that unsweetened, locally grown, organic pureed spinach?” while tiger moms are like, “Food Poisoning, Schmood Poisoning!  Have fun eating the uncooked rib cage of some dead animal off the floor.”

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4.  Tiger Moms Aren’t Uptight About Who Babysits Their Kid

Photo Credit: Alan Ellis/Flickr

While some human moms are uncomfortable with even the most overqualified babysitter, tiger moms are totally fine leaving their kids with any middle-aged couple in heavy metal LARPing costumes or whatever the hell is going on here.

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5.  Tiger Moms Love Karaoke

Photo Credit: Charlie Marshall/Flickr

 While you’re slaving over some supper no one in your family will care about, this tiger mom is kicking it to “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele.

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6.  Tiger Moms Encourage Unstructured Play

Photo Credit: Nelly Hendry/Flickr

Tired of shuttling your kids from ballet to soccer to tennis and then back across town to their bilingual music class?  Tiger moms’ idea of a good time is to lie on the couch watching old “Law and Order” episodes while their kids sit in a room full of wood-chips, biting each other.  DON’T KNOCK IT TILL YOU TRY IT.

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7.  Tiger Moms Love Hugs

Photo Credit: Dave Pape/Flickr

 

 This tiger cub hadn’t seen his mom for literally like three months because he was at camp.  He was so overjoyed to see her, and as soon as he went in for the hug she cried out, “You’re home!” and he cried out, “Mom!’ and this inspirational Disney Movie-style music started playing until seriously, there was not a dry eye in the house.

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8.  Tiger Moms Don’t Totally Freak Out If Their Adult Children Live With Them for a While

Photo Credit: F. Pat Murray/Flickr

 

This is a photo of a mother tiger looking on while her grown sons (who live with her) play together, and the best part is that at no point does she start to go, “Ugh– is either of you even looking for work?  I heard the circus is hiring,” or “Why don’t you dress better and then maybe female tigers would start noticing you?”

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9.  Tiger Moms Are Great at Enforcing “Time-Outs”

Photo Credit: Dirk Vorderstrasse/Flickr

This tiger’s bedtime is 9PM.  No joke, last night at 10:15, his mother walked into his room and found him sneakily watching a movie on his iPad, and now not only does he have to sit in this cage indefinitely, he also loses iPad privileges for up to two months and is no longer permitted to hunt antelope, even when “all the other kids are hunting antelope.”

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10.  Tiger Moms Will Totally Make Stupid Faces at the Paparazzi And Just Not Care

Photo Credit: Takashi Hososhima/Flickr

 

There’s a lot of pressure for celebrity moms to always look put-together and perfect when they’re caught on camera, but tiger moms could not care less. They’ll look right at the camera and make the stupidest face possible as if to say, “Hahahahaha– you think you’re so clever, paparazzi, trying to take embarrassing candid photos of me that you can sell to US Weekly for thousands of dollars but I’m totally playing along.  I’m the one in control of this situation.”

And that is what is so totally awesome about tiger moms.  They’re not saying they won’t let you take their picture, but they don’t let you forget that, if push comes to shove, they could totally eat you.

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